we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just want nice things and good sex
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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