New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
