thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
