I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
