you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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