dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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