Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
