I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
