What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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