This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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