i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you had me at cake vodka
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
