Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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