The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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