Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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