Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
