apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
