I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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