I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
