I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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