I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
