so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
