Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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