did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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