On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
where are you?
Hypothermia
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
