I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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