You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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