mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
