Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
