My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
