She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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