She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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