So drunk its hurt
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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