I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
one might say we're banned from that church
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
