Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
not ubering you a puppy
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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