He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
