there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize