i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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