Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
