Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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