Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm too high and old for this...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
