all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
