Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
