Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
