There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
