do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
