there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
