I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
