the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
