Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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