What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
