He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
