no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
