No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
