We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
