do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I smell stomach acid.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
