I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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