wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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