They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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