Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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