I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
